


Thirteen

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abusive Grisha Yeager, Anxiety Disorder, Asshole Grisha Yeager, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Child Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Dead Carla Yeager, Dead Grisha Yeager, Depression, Emotional Abuse, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, Eventual Romance, Flashbacks, Grisha Yeager's Bad Parenting, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Nightmares, Overprotective Mikasa Ackerman, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Pedophilia, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Recovered Memories, Repressed Memories, Stubborn Eren Yeager, Therapy, Trauma, Verbal Abuse, attempted suicide, dONT READ THESE TAGS IF U DONT WANT SPOILERS, it will be revealed eventually, okAy here comes the spoilers!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-07 14:53:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10362936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He was sitting in his thirteenth waiting room, staring at the ceiling and wishing he could go home. These sessions were always so fucking pointless... none of them had ever been able to help him. He didn't need help, anyways. Nothing was wrong with him. Eren was fine.





	1. Chapter 1

Eren fucking hated therapists. They asked intruding question after intruding question, waiting for Eren to pour his heart out and sob all over their desks. Therapists didn't give a shit about him or his life, they just wanted the money. Eren wouldn't be fooled by their fake sympathy. He had been through twelve different shitty therapists already, and none of them helped him at all.

Eren would've never voluntarily signed up for therapy. He hated it with a passion... but his friends demanded it. Especially Mikasa. Her protectiveness over him was inexorable, and she'd do anything she could to get him help. Ever since they walked in on him having a panic attack, they'd been sending him to therapist after therapist after therapist, hoping that one of them could magically help him. But Eren knew better.

He was sitting in his thirteenth waiting room, staring at the ceiling and wishing he could go home. These sessions were always so fucking pointless... none of them had ever been able to help him. He didn't need help, anyways. Nothing was wrong with him. Eren was fine.

"Eren Jaeger?" A woman asked, and Eren sighed.

He reluctantly stood up and walked over to her.

"You're Eren?" She asked.

"Guilty as charged." He said with a little grin.

"Follow me, Eren." She told him, and lead him to the therapist's office.

"Go ahead and sit down, Dr. Ackerman will be with you soon." She said before leaving.

Eren glanced around the room. There were two brown leather chairs and a couch, with a little coffee table between them. The coffee table had two plants on either side. There were two side tables next to the couch with lamps on them. Both were on, but there was no overhead light. There was a box of tissues on one of the side tables, making Eren roll his eyes. At least there were no stupid inspirational posters on the walls, like some of his former therapists had... Those were so unbearably cheesy that they made Eren want to vomit. There were two bookshelves, and Eren couldn't help but walk over to them. He pulled out a few books and looked over them.. they were all about psychology. The door opened while Eren was looking over the books.

"Hello, Mr. Jaeger, I'm Dr. Ackerman, but you can call me Levi." A man greeted, his voice deep and smooth.

Eren tensed.

"It's Eren, doc. Mr. Jaeger was my father." He stated.

Eren turned towards him and held up the books.

"Have you read all of these, or are they just here for decoration?" He wondered.

Levi raised an eyebrow. He was a pretty attractive man. He had dark hair styled in an undercut and silver eyes that seemed to be psychoanalyzing Eren already. He had pale, porcelain skin and a sharp jawline. His expression was stoic and calculating as he looked over his new patient. He was shorter than Eren expected, and he was wearing a navy blue suit. He looked like he was in his late twenties. Eren noticed he was carrying a clipboard.

"I've read most of them." Levi responded. "Why don't you sit down?"

Eren shrugged, turning back to the books.

"These books can probably tell me more than you, doc." He stated, opening one of them.

"They can't tell you anything specific about yourself, though. That's what I'm here for." Levi told him, walking over to one of the chairs and sitting down.

"You don't have to lie to me, doc. You're here for the money. I get it." Eren said, putting his books back and picking up another.

"That's not true. If I just wanted a job for the money, I'd be a surgeon, or something that pays better than this. I'm here because I enjoy studying psychology, and I believe that everyone deserves a chance to talk and heal in a safe space like this." Levi told Eren, sounding sincere.

Eren just rolled his eyes.

"That's enough talking about me, though. This session is about you. What brings you here today, Eren?"

Eren shrugged again.

"My friends make me come." Eren answered honestly.

"I see that you've had quite a few therapists already." Levi commented.

"Twelve, I think." Eren replied.

"Why so many?"

"I'm trying to set a record."

"Funny." Levi said, not sounding very amused. "Please sit down, Eren."

His tone grew a sharp edge, and for some reason, Eren felt a tiny spark of fear, his heart rate picking up. He hated it when people talked to him like that.

"Well, if you insist." Eren murmured, putting the book down and walking over to the therapist. He sat down on the chair near him and took his shoes off, crossing his legs in the seat.

"Really, Eren, why so many therapists?" Levi questioned, looking him in the eyes.

Eren exhaled and shrugged again.

"I keep trying to fuck all of them." Eren said, unable to keep a straight face, his lip turning up slightly.

"Eren, please, can you take this seriously?" Levi asked, seeming fed up, narrowing his eyebrows.

"Why? It's easier money if you just let me fuck around the whole time."

"First of all, I already told you I'm not just here for the money. And second of all, you're spending your time and money here. Shouldn't you at least try to let me help you?"

Eren shrugged.

"My friends pay for it. They're the ones who want me here, anyways."

"Do you care about your friends?" Levi wondered, looking at Eren intently.

"Yeah..?" Eren replied, unable to think of a witty response.

"Then why do you keep wasting their money? They're trying to help you, and the more therapists you keep going to, the more money you're wasting. Why wouldn't you accept the help, if you really care about them?" Levi asked, and Eren stared at him. He didn't know how to respond to that. He really hadn't thought of it like that before.. He really loved Mikasa and Armin. But still..

"Y-yeah, but.. the thing is, there's no reason for me to be here. There's nothing wrong with me, and even if there was, it wouldn't be fixed by talking about it." Eren countered. "So I might as well waste my time. They'll keep sending me to therapy no matter what."

"You don't think there's any reason for you to be here? None at all?"

"None." Eren repeated.

"Hmm." Levi stated, then glanced down at his clipboard. "It says here that you've been to the hospital for panic attacks three times, and that you take medication for depression and anxiety. You don't need help with any of that?"

Eren furrowed his eyebrows. He hated it when therapists thought they knew everything about him.

"My other therapists just threw that medicine at me so they could get rid of me."

"And the panic attacks?"

Eren glanced away. Shrugged.

"Dunno. Those just happen sometimes. It's nothing I can't live with."

"What brings the panic attacks on?" Levi pushed.

"I already told you, they just happen sometimes. You'd think a therapist would be a better listener." Eren said, then sighed. "How much longer am I in here?"

Levi glanced at his watch.

"Seventeen more minutes."

Eren laid his head back and groaned.

"Wonderful." He mumbled, closing his eyes.

"Talk to me, Eren. Tell me more about yourself." Levi pressed.

"Hmmmm... there's not much to know. I'm eighteen, I just graduated from high school.. I live with my friends, Armin and Mikasa..." Eren answered sincerely, and trailed off, not really having anything else to say about himself.

"Are you planning on going to college?"

Eren shrugged.

"Eh.. I'm not really sure. I'm not a genius like Armin or talented like Mikasa, so probably not. I don't really have any passions like them, so.."

"You don't have any passions? Nothing?" Levi asked.

"Uhh... no, not really. I haven't really been passionate about anything since I was little. I liked art when I was really young.. that's really it." Eren revealed.

"Have you attempted any art since then?"

"Yeah.. I'm shit at it. And I don't really care about art anymore, so I doubt anything will happen with it." Eren stated, shrugging again.

"Tell me about your friends."

"My real ones or my imaginary ones?" Eren responded, grinning cheekily.

Levi just gave him a deadpan expression.

"Jeez, loosen up a little." Eren murmured. "Alright, alright. My friends.. they're great. They're both my age and I really love them. Armin is sweet and smart and always says the right thing.. he's good at dealing with my bullshit. And Mikasa.. she's like an older sister. She's very overprotective of me, and she's about as stubborn as I am. She's a great singer, too. They both care about me a lot.. they took me in once my parents died. They're like siblings to me."

Eren couldn't help but spill all that. He really appreciated his friends.

"They sound nice." Levi said, and Eren nodded in agreement.

"How did your parents die?" Levi asked after a few moments.

"My mom died from an illness when I was about five, and my dad got in a car crash and died when I was ten. I met Armin and Mikasa right before that, and I moved in with Mikasa. I can't remember all that much about either of them, so it's not that sad."

"I see.. Can you talk to me about your panic attacks? When's the last time you had one?" Levi asked Eren, scribbling something on his clipboard.

Eren looked down at his lap and shrugged for the millionth time.

"I told you. They just happen sometimes." Eren said vaguely, avoiding the question.

"That's not an answer, Eren."

"It's my answer." Eren said.

"Alright.. I won't push about that anymore today. What do you like to do in your free time, Eren?" Levi changed the subject.

"Go to therapy, apparently." Eren said with a grin.

"Besides that."

"Sleep."

"Eren, please." Levi said, his voice firm.

Eren sighed.

"I don't know. I just watch YouTube videos and Netflix.. I play video games. Shit like that."

"Do you hang out with other people besides Armin and Mikasa?" Levi wondered, writing more shit down.

"Besides therapists? Not really.. I'm not the most social person. I'd rather just chill at home." Eren answered. He really didn't like social situations.. The last time he went to a party, he had a panic attack. But he didn't tell Levi that.

"Eren, I think our time is about up." Levi told him.

Eren sighed dramatically.

"What a shame. If only I could cry about my nonexistent problems all day long.." Eren said sarcastically, pouting at Levi. Levi rolled his eyes at him.

"Will you be back next week?" Levi asked.

"Will you be able to tolerate me again next week?"

"Of course, Eren."

"Well, I guess I'll see you next week then, doc." Eren replied.

"I'll see you then."


	2. Chapter 2

A week passed. Eren stayed in his room for most of it, barely eating and only talking to Armin and Mikasa. He had a habit of isolating himself.. that was another reason why his friends always made him go to therapy. He closed himself off a lot of the time. He never shared information about himself with anyone.. he was always avoiding social situations and staying alone in his room. Eren really should've gotten a job or gone to college or something, but he was always tired and never felt like leaving the house. Eren had three nightmares during the week. He had nightmares pretty often, and he could never remember what they were about. He would always forget when he woke up, but he always felt awful afterwards. Sometimes he'd have panic attacks when he woke up.

One time, Mikasa and Armin went into Eren's room to wake him up and tell him something, and he started screaming because of a nightmare. Once he woke up, he immediately couldn't breathe, and spent thirty minutes freaking out and feeling like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. Mikasa and Armin had never seen him like that before.. Eren usually hid his panic attacks from them, but that one was intense. So now he had to take pills every day and spend thirty minutes every week with a stranger trying to pry into his brain.

Which brought Eren to Levi's office again. He was laying on the couch with his hands resting on his stomach, eyes closed while he waited for Levi to come in. He was pretty tired.. a nightmare woke him up at 4 AM and he hadn't been able to go back to sleep. But he always felt tired, anyways.

Eren's thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and Levi walked in.

"Hello again, Eren."

"What's up, doc?" Eren greeted, then chuckled at his own joke.

"Ha ha." Levi replied sarcastically, and sat down in a chair near Eren.

"How are you doing, Eren?"

"I'm great, how're you?"

Levi sighed.

"Not what I meant, Eren. Have you had any panic attacks since we last talked? How have you been doing with your depression?"

Eren exhaled.

"No, I haven't, and I don't have depression." He answered, a little irritated. "Why are all you therapists so nosy?"

Levi snorted.

"That's kind of our job, Eren."

"I guess."

"Why are you so against the thought of you having depression? It's nothing to be ashamed of." Levi asked, already prying into his brain.

"Because I just don't have it, okay, doc? I don't have any mental illnesses.. I think I'd know if I did." Eren responded, a little annoyed. Levi didn't know everything about him. He didn't know anything.

"That's not always the case, Eren. There are people with serious mental illnesses that live without being aware of it for their whole lives. You don't always know." Levi told him. "Do you have difficulty concentrating and making decisions?" He questioned.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" Eren mumbled, his eyes still closed as he laid on the comfortable leather couch. He could've fallen asleep right then.

"Can you please answer the question?"

Eren huffed. "Fine. Sure, I guess."

"Do you feel fatigued or have a lack of energy?"

Eren's eyebrows furrowed.

"I.. guess."

"Do you experience insomnia or excessive sleeping?" Levi continued to ask random questions.

"Uh... sure?" Eren replied. He always struggled with falling asleep, and he usually slept in way too late..

"Loss of interest in activities you used to like?"

"I already told you about the art thing."

"Lack of appetite or excessive eating?"

"Yeah...?"

"Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or emptiness?" Levi pressed.

"Uh.. I don't know. Maybe.." Eren said vaguely, not wanting to confess to that.

"Well, Eren, those are all the symptoms of depression. Although you don't want to admit it, I would very confidently say that you're depressed." Levi informed him.

Eren opened his eyes and glared at the ceiling.

"Well, wasn't that enlightening." Eren muttered under his breath.

"Have you gone anywhere since I saw you last?" Levi wondered.

Eren closed his eyes again.

"I've been throwing parties every day, for me and the voices in my head." Eren joked, smirking slightly.

"Eren." Levi sighed.

"Yeah, doc?"

"Why do you keep dodging every question I ask you?" Levi asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

"It makes this fun, doc. Live a little." Eren responded.

"This isn't supposed to be fun. This is supposed to help you." Levi said firmly.

"Help me with WHAT?" Eren asked, his anger rising a bit. Levi didn't seem to understand that he was _fine_.

"With stopping your panic attacks. With managing your depression. With whatever else you haven't told me yet." Levi replied.

Eren groaned.

"Whatever." He mumbled.

"So, did you go anywhere since I saw you last?" Levi asked again, with that sharp edge to his voice again, making Eren submit.

"I.. went to the grocery store a few days ago." He murmured.

"Is that it?"

"Yeah. Video games are more fun than going places."

"That's not the real reason why you stay home. Do you have problems socializing with people, Eren?" Levi asked again, irritating Eren with his nosiness.

"I.. jeez, I don't know. I just... don't like being with people too long. Stresses me out." Eren gave a sincere answer, not sure what else to say.

He heard Levi scribbling on his little clipboard.

"Do you have panic attacks if you're with people too long?"

"I.... Yeah, sometimes.." Eren said. He hated admitting this kind of stuff... it took a lot of pushing to admit this much to his other therapists. But something about Levi just made Eren feel inclined to answer him. Eren didn't know how to feel about that.

"Have you had any since last week?" Levi pushed, seeming to realize that Eren was giving honest answers, and wanting to squeeze more out of him.

"I, uh... had one yesterday." Eren confessed reluctantly.

"What happened?" Levi questioned.

"No, it's.. it's stupid. They just happen, I've told you that." Eren replied, trying to hide again, trying to gain some control. He felt a lot more self conscious and weak now that he was actually answering the questions.. his voice was growing less sure and he felt like he wanted to run away.

"No, Eren, I promise it's not stupid. What happened yesterday?" Levi pushed.

"I... ugh, I feel stupid. I have nightmares a lot and... sometimes I have panic attacks when I wake up. It's stupid." Eren said, feeling idiotic and childish once he said it.

"What happens in these nightmares?" Levi asked.

"I honestly don't know. I never remember any of them. All I know is they're awful.. I've woken up screaming from them before. I kind of wish I knew." Eren answered honestly.

Levi wrote more shit down.

"Time's up.. thank you for answering me honestly, Eren. I hope we can continue this. It's good that you're actually answering. Talking about your problems doesn't make you weak, okay? Remember that." Levi said.

Eren slowly opened his eyes and sat up, stretching.

"Sure. See you next week, doc." Eren said.

"I'll see you then. Take care of yourself." Levi replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for readinggg!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter for youuuu

Another week passed, very similar to the week before. Armin and Mikasa kept trying to get Eren out of the house, and Eren resisted their efforts. He eventually let them take him out to a random house party, but Eren sat in the corner on his phone for most of the time.. He grew more and more anxious the longer he stayed there, and people kept bumping into him as they passed by, making him flinch and sink lower in his chair. The overpowering scent of beer, cologne, and sweat in the air made him nauseous and scared for some reason.

He ended up going into the bathroom and having a panic attack, and Armin walked in on it. Eren was bent over the sink, gripping the edges so tightly his knuckles were turning white, struggling to breathe, feeling like he was having a heart attack. Armin put a hand on his shoulder.. Eren turned around, clutched onto him, and sobbed, stuttering weakly about how he felt like he was dying. Armin tried to calm him down, but he was freaking out too, so it didn't work very well. After about twenty minutes, Eren managed to breathe again.

Eren apologized to Armin over and over, telling him that he'd be fine, but Armin didn't buy it. He took Eren to Mikasa and told her about what happened despite Eren's protests, and Mikasa immediately drove them back home, interrogating Eren about what happened. Eren just looked out the window and gave one word answers, shaking and biting his nails anxiously, feeling like shit for making his friends worry about him so much. When they got home, Mikasa declared that Eren would start going to therapy twice a week instead of just once. Eren tried to argue, but as always, Mikasa got her way.

Now, Eren was sitting in Levi's office again, on one of the leather chairs, biting his nails and bouncing his leg nervously. He'd been on edge since the party the day before, feeling like anything could set him off.

He heard the door open and he sighed, wishing he could go back home.

"Hello, Eren." Levi greeted.

"Mmm." Eren hummed in response.

"How have you been doing?"

Eren shrugged, looking down at his nails as Levi sat down near him.

"I've been alright. Tired." Eren replied.

"What happened to your fingers?" Levi questioned.

Eren had bandaids on some of his fingernails.. after the party, he bit his nails so much that they started bleeding.

"Oh, uh.. bit my nails too much. Nervous habit." Eren replied, still bouncing his leg.. another nervous habit.

"Ah.. I see." Levi said, then changed the subject. "So, Eren, I noticed that you're scheduled to have two sessions a week now? Instead of just one..? Why did that change?"

Eren rolled his eyes.

"Ugh.. Mikasa. I love her to death, but she's way too worried about me. She really wants me to stop having panic attacks, I think. They freak her out." Eren told him.

"Did you have another one?"

"Yep. Maybe I should start counting them... I might break a record." Eren said, cracking a tiny grin.

"What happened? Another nightmare?" Levi questioned, looking Eren straight in the eyes, completely ignoring his joke.

"Nah.. Mikasa and Armin took me out to some house party. There were a lot of people and it was really loud.. I just kinda freaked out. I can't even handle being at a party... Now you see why I stay at home, huh?" Eren said, chuckling.

"That's a common thing for people with anxiety disorders.. it's called sensory overload. If you experience too many sounds, sights, and smells at once it can overwhelm your brain and send you into panic mode. I've heard it's awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that." Levi told him.

Eren looked away at the sincere apology, his cheeks heating up.

"It's all good." He mumbled.

"Are you okay with coming here twice a week?" Levi questioned.

"The more time with you, the better." Eren joked, grinning again.

"Really." Levi said monotonously.

Eren shrugged.

"Eh.. I don't know. I hate all the questions you ask, but I mean.. this gets me out of the house without inducing a panic attack, so I guess it's fine. I can deal with it." He said.

"So, Eren.. I've asked you a lot about your panic attacks. Why don't we talk about something else this time? Talk to me about your childhood. Growing up without a mother, then losing your father.. it must've been rough." Levi changed the subject.

Eren shrugged.

"I guess. I really don't remember much of it." He replied, which was true. His other therapists all tried to get some juicy information on him from his childhood, but Eren had trouble remembering it. He got a headache whenever he thought about it too much.. he always felt weird whenever he thought of his childhood. He remembered going to his mom's funeral... he remembered that his father was a doctor and he was busy a lot. He remembered his father always had a beer in hand. He remembered when his father didn't come back home from work, and he was woken up by a police officer in the middle of the night. He remembered moving into Mikasa's house and everything after that.. but everything else about his past was pretty blurry. The lack of childhood memories was frustrating, and Eren's therapists always made it worse with their pushy questions.

"How was your relationship with your father?" Levi wondered.

Eren shrugged again, and started picking at his nails.

"I don't really remember. He was busy with work a lot... he always came back home late at night. I think my mom's death fucked him up, and he distracted himself with work. I can't remember much else." He answered, and he felt a sharp pain in his temples. He rubbed them and exhaled.

"Can we talk about something else? This topic always gives me a headache, trying to remember everything.." Eren murmured.

"Yeah, sure. How about Mikasa's family? Did they treat you well?" Levi asked, and Eren nodded.

"Yep. They've always been really nice to me.. I think they pitied me a lot, but they're very kind. I view them more as parents than my real parents, honestly.." Eren said.

Levi nodded while he spoke, writing more on his clipboard. A thought suddenly came into Eren's head.. he'd been thinking about it ever since the night before, at the party.. but he didn't want to sound needy or pathetic.

"What is it, Eren?" Levi asked, sensing something was up.

"Can.. I ask you something?" Eren began.

"Yes, of course."

"Have you ever had a panic attack?" Eren asked, glancing up from his nails to look Levi in the eyes.

"Have I? No, I've never experienced one. But I've seen it happen to a lot of my patients." Levi answered him.

"So you've helped people with panic attacks before?" Eren continued.

"Yes, many times." Levi replied.

"Can you... tell me how you do that? My friends never know how to help me and I never know how to help myself.. It takes a shit ton of effort for me to calm myself down."

Eren felt self conscious after he asked, and glanced away from the therapist.

"Yes, of course. First of all.. The breathing is a major part of it. During panic attacks, I've seen a lot of my patients breathe very shallowly and rapidly, and it makes them even more panicked about their situation. Taking slow, deep breaths helps a lot. Secondly, you need to be able to accept what you're feeling. When people have panic attacks, they tend to constantly tell themselves to calm down and to stop panicking, but that just increases the anxiety. You need to give yourself permission to be afraid.. but you need to remember that your fear isn't permanent. You need to tell yourself that it's just a panic attack, you're not dying or anything like that. Remind yourself that everything will be okay. Distracting yourself is helpful as well. Counting things around you or listening to someone talk.. anything you can do to distract yourself will help. Breathing, accepting, and distracting. It's also good if you have someone with you to make sure you're okay." Levi explained, and Eren hung on to his every word.

"Here, hold on a second." Levi said, then reached into his pocket. He took out his wallet and pulled out a little card, handing it to Eren.

"Technically, I'm not supposed to talk to my patients outside of this office, but I think I can break the rules this once. If you're ever experiencing a panic attack and can't seem to calm yourself down, you can give me a call. Hopefully, you won't ever need to, but just in case, the option's there." Levi stated. Eren glanced down at the card to see Levi's name and a phone number.. Eren smiled a little.

"Thanks, doc." He whispered, extremely grateful.

"Are you ever going to stop calling me that?" Levi wondered, his lip turned up ever so slightly.

"Probably not." Eren said with a grin.

"Well, I'd probably call you brat if you weren't one of my patients." Levi said, making Eren laugh.

"That's a fitting nickname." Eren responded, grinning even more. "Yours would be 'old man.'"

"I'm twenty eight."

"Exactly." Eren replied, unable to conceal his smile.

Levi rolled his eyes, then glanced down at his watch.

"Ah, we only have one minute left." He told Eren. "See you on Tuesday?"

Eren furrowed his eyebrows.

"Hey, we could spend this last minute uncovering some deep emotional trauma! I spent money on this, you know." Eren pointed out.

Levi gave him a skeptical look.

"Your _friends_ spent money on this." He corrected.

Eren let out a "hmph."

"I'm the customer, aren't I always right?"

Levi cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Not at therapy, you're not. It's my job to be right. And I'm right when I say you've been here for one minute too long, so.. Get out." Levi countered.

Eren tried to fake being mad, but he couldn't help the laugh that escaped him at Levi's deadpan expression while he said that.

"Alright, alright, see you on Tuesday, old man." Eren said, standing up.

"See you then." Levi replied. "Brat." He whispered under his breath, and Eren turned around and glared at him, which Levi easily returned with a cocky smirk.

Eren rolled his eyes as he walked out the door, but he had a hint of a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! i'd love to hear any comments that you have !!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't my fave chapter, but,.,,, here, have some more therapy :'))

Two days later, Eren was back in Levi's office. He sighed as he sat down, irritated that he'd have to meet with Levi more than usual. Levi was fine company, but his questions could be annoying. And Eren was about at the point where he ran out of things to share about himself, or hid the rest. There really wasn't more to Eren than what he told Levi.. That was it. His only struggles were his panic attacks and anxiety.

He really didn't know what else Levi would try to talk to him about.

Eren was sitting on Levi's couch, holding onto one of the pillows in his lap. A few minutes passed before Levi opened the door.

"Hello, Eren." He greeted as usual.

"Yo, doc." Eren replied.

"How are you feeling today?" Levi asked, sitting down in one of his chairs.

"Eh. I'm okay. Tired." Eren replied.

"Any more nightmares? Panic attacks?"

"Last night, I had a nightmare I'd have to come to therapy.. oh, no, I guess that was real." Eren replied with a grin.

"Eren, really.."

"Yeah, yeah.. Party pooper. I actually did have one last night, I guess. I woke up screaming again for some reason.. I wish I knew what the hell was going on in my nightmares. Probably crazy clowns or something." Eren answered.

"Any panic attacks, though?"

"Nah. Nothing exciting. Just sleeping and staying home as usual."

"Have you been taking your antidepressants?" Levi asked.

"I, uh.. sorta? I forget sometimes.. and they've never really helped me. I think I took them this morning though." Eren said.

"How long have you been taking them?" Levi continued.

Eren made a thoughtful face, trying to remember.

"Ummm.. I've been taking them for about a year and a half, when I first started going to therapy. But then the first therapist kicked me out. And the next eleven." Eren said with a little grin.

"I can't understand why so many of them kicked you out. What happened?" Levi questioned with a puzzled expression.

Eren shrugged.

"My charm isn't for everyone, doc. I got on their nerves and I ran out of answers. They kept demanding more details and more details about my panic attacks and my childhood, but there's only so much I could say.. You'll get irritated and kick me out too, sooner or later." Eren said matter-of-factly, his expression determined as he looked at Levi. Every therapist was the same to Eren.. they all gave up on him eventually.

Levi returned his gaze with one of equal determination.

"That will never happen. The only reason you'd stop coming here would be because you wouldn't need me anymore. I would never kick out a patient." Levi declared, his voice certain.

Eren smiled bitterly.

"That's what they all say."

"I guess I'll just have to prove myself different, then." Levi replied.

"We'll see, doc."

"Alright.. changing the subject. How long have you been having panic attacks, Eren? When did they start?" Levi asked.

Eren sighed heavily.

"I've had them for as long as I can remember, but they've started happening more frequently in the last two years. They happen at the drop of a hat now.. if I get bumped into too many times or if people yell too much around me, I'll freak out. It's really pathetic, honestly." Eren answered sincerely, feeling self conscious again. He hated talking about this shit.

"It's not pathetic, Eren. Panic attacks can happen with no obvious reasons behind them." Levi responded. "You're not pathetic at all."

His sincerity embarrassed Eren into looking away.

"Whatever you say, doc."

"It's true." Levi said firmly. "You don't choose to have panic attacks. They're not your fault, and they don't make you any less of a worthy person."

Eren winced slightly at his tone.

"Okay." He mumbled in agreement, although he didn't believe Levi at all.

"Can we discuss your childhood again, Eren?" Levi changed the topic, his voice softer.

Eren rolled his eyes.

"You're the boss, doc. But I really don't remember a lot." He replied.

"What do you remember? Give me something. Anything you can think of.. explain it to me." Levi pushed.

"Uhhhh... I remember my mom's funeral, when I was five. I remember seeing her body and wondering when she'd wake up.. I remember that my dad didn't cry. He didn't talk the whole time, not even for a eulogy or anything. I cried really hard when they buried her. I guess I didn't understand she was dead until then. I remember after the funeral, my dad drank until he passed out. The funeral.. it's one of my only vivid memories." Eren spilled, deciding to get it out of the way.

"Did your father drink a lot?" Levi questioned.

Eren tightened his grip on the pillow in his lap subconsciously. He hated thinking about this.. it made him uncomfortable.

"After my mom died, yeah. I guess he used it to cope."

Eren's headache began, and he rubbed his temples.

"Do we really have to talk about this? I told you it gives me a headache when I think about it too long." Eren sighed.

"We can stop there for today. Time's up, anyways." Levi stated.

"Rad." Eren replied. "I guess I'll see you Saturday, doc."

"See you then, Eren."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading !!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda a boring/short chapter but have some therapist-patient conflict rip? idk if this would happen in real life but levi pushed too far rifp

Not much happened between Tuesday and Saturday. Armin and Mikasa went to a party on Friday, and after arguing with Eren for thirty minutes, they let him stay home by himself. Eren had two mystery nightmares during those few days, but luckily, no panic attacks.

Eren sat in Levi's office on Saturday, in one of the chairs, unaware that he was about to experience his worst therapy session with Levi yet.

"Hello, Eren." Levi greeted as he walked into the office.

"Hiya." Eren replied.

"How have your last few days been?" Levi asked, sitting in the other chair, looking at Eren intently.

"Fine. Same as always."

"Panic attacks? Nightmares?"

"Just two nightmares. No panic attacks." Eren answered.

"Still can't remember any of the nightmares?" Levi questioned.

"Nope. But I'm telling you, doc, it's probably crazy clowns." Eren said, and Levi sighed in response.

"Sure, Eren." He said monotonously.

"What're we talking about today, doc? We've pretty much run out of topics." Eren asked.

"Is there anything you want to talk about? Anything on your mind?" Levi turned the question back around on him.

Eren raised an eyebrow.

"I asked you first."

"Yes, but these sessions are about you and your individual needs, Eren." Levi shot back.

Eren exhaled.

"Alright, alright. No, I don't have anything to talk about. Unless you want to talk about video games. I'm totally down for that."

Levi glared at him. Or maybe that was just his resting bitch face.

"No thanks." He replied. "How about we go back to the topic of last session?"

Eren didn't hold back his groan.

"Why the hell are all you therapists so obsessed with my childhood? Give it a rest.. There's nothing else to know about it. This isn't going to get us anywhere." Eren said, annoyed by the useless prying.

"Depression stems from childhood in a lot of cases, Eren. There's definitely more to your childhood than a funeral." Levi responded.

Eren rolled his eyes.

"Whatever."

"You said you remember your mother's funeral when you were five years old, correct?"

"Wow. You remembered something. Congrats." Eren said sarcastically.

"And you remember moving in with Mikasa at around 10 years old?" Levi continued, ignoring his sarcasm.

"Wowza. You're a genius, doc."

"What do you remember between those two ages, Eren?" Levi wondered.

Eren sighed and closed his eyes.

"Nothing." He answered.

"Are you being sarcastic, or is that an actual answer?" Levi wondered.

Eren shrugged.

"I can't think of anything. Nobody remembers every little detail of their childhood." He stated, defending himself.

"Yes, but people usually don't have such a wide gap of their memory missing. You really can't remember anything else? Not one little detail?" Levi said, pissing Eren off.

His eye twitched, anger bubbling in his chest.

"Jesus fucking Christ, I told you I can't a billion times by now." Eren grumbled. He hated talking about his childhood.. the headaches combined with the lack of information was frustrating as hell.

Eren could feel a migraine coming on. Fuck therapists..

"Eren, please calm down." Levi said.

"Fuck you. Fuck all of you therapists.. every one of you keeps trying and trying to claw your way into my brain and understand why, why, _why_ I have all these problems. I can't remember. I can't tell you why, I don't _know_ why. If you can't take that for an answer, then fucking kick me out already!" Eren replied heatedly, glaring at Levi with fiery eyes.

Levi regarded him calmly with his cool silver eyes.

"I won't kick you out, Eren." He said, his voice firm.

Eren glared at the wall in silence for a few moments.

"How much longer am I stuck in here?" He asked.

"Twenty minutes." Levi answered.

Eren closed his eyes again and sighed, his head aching.

Silence fell between them for a minute or two.

"I'm sorry for pushing you, Eren." Levi apologized sincerely, and Eren didn't reply. "I was too forward and I shouldn't have asked so much. You didn't deserve that at all. But you need to understand.. A lot of traumatic childhood situations can result in depression and repressed memories. I wasn't just asking you questions on your childhood for the sake of asking them."

Eren exhaled, staying silent.

"Are you okay?" Levi asked him, genuine care seeping into his voice.

"I'm fine. Irritated. Head hurts." Eren mumbled. "I'm tired of being in here. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

He didn't like talking about his mysterious childhood at all. It bothered him that he didn't remember a part of it, but he couldn't do anything about it.. and something about what Levi just said bothered him as well. He felt vulnerable and irritable and his head was hurting worse and worse with each minute that passed.

"If you need to leave, I'll understand. You can go if you need to.. I messed up, and none of this is your fault." Levi told him.

Eren looked over at him.

"I can just leave?" He questioned in disbelief.

"If you need to." Levi repeated.

Eren exhaled.

"Well, my head is hurting like hell now.. I really want to go take some medicine for it." He murmured.

"Of course." Levi replied. "Again, I sincerely apologize. I won't push you anymore. I'll respect your boundaries and make sure you're okay with our topics before we discuss them."

Eren nodded mindlessly, sharp pains attacking his head.

"See you Tuesday, doc."

"See you then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading !!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another chapterrrr and some shit goes down this time !!

The next few days passed. Eren experienced two minor panic attacks and a nightmare between his therapy sessions, but nothing else really happened.

The session on Tuesday was much more laid back and relaxed. Levi stopped grilling him with questions and just let him talk about things on his mind. Eren was confused and timid at first, not knowing what to talk about.. but he ended up rambling about random shit in his life for the full thirty minutes. Levi interrupted him occasionally to comment, and their discussions were a lot less serious than usual. It was the best session yet.. it was almost like they were just hanging out, and Eren actually enjoyed it.

Two nightmares later, and it was Friday. Armin and Mikasa were going to a club for the first time. Eren felt very guilty for not going with them to the last party, so they managed to convince him to join. Eren knew the evening would most likely end in a panic attack, but he went anyways, wanting to make his friends happy and prove that he could successfully leave the house.

Eren wore his favorite long-sleeved button-up green shirt and dark jeans. He was very nervous on the car ride there.. he prayed that he'd be able to stay calm for as long as possible, so Mikasa and Armin would stop worrying about him all the time. He felt so pathetic because of his panic attacks.. they happened way too easily, just from going outside. Eren wished he could just be normal and go have fun with his friends without having a breakdown.. maybe this time he'd finally manage.

When they got there, a man checked their IDs before letting them in, making sure they were eighteen. They walked in and Eren was overwhelmed immediately. The music was very loud and people were dancing and drinking everywhere. It was a very large place, full of wild people. Eren tensed up and inhaled sharply, and his friends both gave him worried looks.

"Are you okay? We can go home if you need t-" Mikasa asked, but then was interrupted.

"HEYYYYYYYYY!" A voice yelled, and Eren noticed Jean sitting at the bar, calling to them. Jean was a half-friend of Eren's.. he was closer with Armin, and he got on Eren's nerves sometimes. He was loud and touchy, and neither of those traits clashed well with Eren. Jean and his group of friends had agreed to meet Mikasa, Eren, and Armin at the club. Marco, Christa, Ymir, Sasha, and Connie were there too, and they smiled and greeted the trio as they walked over.

"Yooooo, what's up?" Jean asked, clapping Armin on the back.

Jean and Armin started talking, and Mikasa began a conversation with Ymir. Eren stood by awkwardly for a few moments, not particularly close with any of them because of his lack of socialization.

"Eyyyyyy, Eren! Haven't seen you in awhile!" Connie yelled, although Eren was right in front of him. Eren winced at the loudness, his heart racing, but gave him an awkward grin.

"Hey, Connie. Yeah, I'm sorry.. I'm just not a big fan of parties." Eren replied, feeling smaller and smaller every second. God, he hated going to these places.. His anxiety made his confidence shrink into nonexistence.

"Hey there, Eren!" Christa greeted, smiling sweetly at him. Christa was Eren's favorite out of that friend group.. she was very kind, and wasn't as wild and extroverted as the rest of them. Mikasa told Eren once that Christa had depression and anxiety too.. it made Eren more comfortable around her, for some reason.

"How've you been, Eren?" Christa asked.

Eren shrugged.

"I've been fine. I haven't really been doing much.. how about you?" He responded.

Christa nodded at him with understanding eyes, and Eren could suddenly imagine her as a therapist.

"I feel that. I'm doing alright! Ymir's been making things better." Christa stated, nudging Ymir while she said that. Ymir just grinned down at her. They shared a loving glance, and Eren felt a kind of longing as he watched them. Ymir and Christa had been dating for a long time.. they were the most loving couple Eren had ever seen.

Christa opened her mouth to say something to Eren, but Jean interrupted her.

"HEYYYY! C'mon, let's all go dance!" Jean yelled, right behind Eren, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Eren flinched violently at the loudness and the touch, and his heart rate picked up fast. He hated being touched without warning like that. Jean quickly let go of him and ran off to dance, with everyone else following. Eren went to sit down at the bar, but Christa stopped him.

"Are you not coming?" She asked, puzzled. Everyone else had already left, but Christa stayed behind to worry about Eren. She was an angel, honestly.

Eren scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Eh, I wasn't planning on it.. I'm really not a dancing person."

"Neither am I, Eren. Come on, we can suck at it together." She said, smiling at him.

"Oh- I, uh... I mean.." Eren stumbled on his words, anxious.

"I totally get it. But I promise you after you've danced for a few minutes, it gets a lot easier. Please, trust me? I know you don't know me that well, but I have anxiety too. If I can do it, I think you can." Christa told him honestly, and gestured for him to go with her.

Eren sighed and caved after a few moments of thought.

"Alright... but I might go back in a few minutes."

Christa smiled.

"Yay!" She said excitedly, then started walking through the crowd of people to find their group. Eren trailed after her, wincing every time he bumped into someone, cringing as the music got louder as he grew closer to it.

Christa turned to him, her expression nervous too.

"We just... we just gotta breathe." She said to him, and he nodded slightly, still overwhelmed.

They reached the group.. everyone was already dancing. Most of them were pretty bad. Mikasa, Ymir, and Marco were good at it.. But Armin, Connie, Jean, and Sasha's dancing was a bit of a nightmare.

Christa danced with Eren for a while, helping him get into it, teaching him a few dances that he could do in almost any song. Eren was very on edge and scared for a while, struggling not to have a panic attack.. but he managed to start having fun. Christa started dancing with Ymir after a while, so Armin and Mikasa danced with Eren. Eren was constantly laughing at Armin's atrocious dance moves, unable to help himself. He was pretty awful. Eren probably wasn't much better, but he was trying not to think about that. Eren occasionally bumped into people and almost freaked out, but he managed to control himself.

Eren made it through for a while. It was kinda fun.. it was stressful and anxiety inducing, but he enjoyed dancing with Armin and Mikasa, and Christa was tremendously helpful.

About an hour passed before the whole group returned to the bar to get drinks, dehydrated from the dancing. Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Ymir were the only ones to get alcoholic drinks, since they were the only legal ones. The rest of them got water or soda.. Eren stuck with a Coca Cola. Jean started chugging his beer, and suddenly Eren had a flashback of his father chugging a beer in the exact same way. His father had let the glass bottle crash on the ground and break into pieces... Eren flinched at the sudden memory, overwhelmed for a few moments.

Eren put the drink down and left his friends to go to the restroom to collect himself. He used the toilet and spent a few minutes breathing deeply and calming himself from the chaos, looking in the mirror at himself.

_I can do this. It's going fine. I can make it through one night out. I have to.. I don't want to be pathetic anymore._

Eren took one last deep breath before leaving, filled with new determination. Once he got back to the bar, his friends had all left to dance. Eren drank the rest of his coke and returned to the dance floor, convincing himself he was going to be fine.

He danced for the next fifteen minutes, still having some fun despite the craziness going on around him. But then, while he was doing the Macarena and laughing at Armin's ridiculousness, a sudden wave of dizziness and nausea rushed over him. He blinked rapidly and tried to shake it off, acting like nothing happened. He continued dancing for a few minutes, but the dizziness just increased. Eren felt sick.. his movements were slow and his body felt heavy. He just felt off... he didn't like it at all. Something was very wrong.

"I-I'll be right back." He said to Armin, who was too distracted to pay much attention. He stumbled to the bathroom and locked himself in a stall.. his vision blurred and the world felt like it was spinning. Eren slowly slid down to the ground, breathing hard, everything feeling wrong. What was happening..? It almost felt like a panic attack, but he didn't usually feel like this when he had them. Eren felt so drowsy and fucked up.. he slowly reached his hand up to press his fingers against his neck, and his heartbeat felt slower than usual. Panic suddenly crushed Eren. Was he dying..? What the fuck was wrong with him? Eren sat there for a few moments, trying to stay calm, trying not to throw up, when he had a realization.

Someone.. someone must have drugged his drink. He left it unattended without thinking earlier, and now he was close to passing out, nauseous, exhausted, and feeling like absolute shit.

That realization just sent more panic through Eren. That meant someone was planning on... on raping Eren. Or kidnapping him. Or killing him. Someone wanted to hurt him.. but there was no way for Eren to figure out who. What if that person came into the bathroom and kidnapped him?

Fear consumed Eren and chills went down his spine. The thought of being raped by a stranger.. Eren felt tears come to his eyes, and his breathing grew shallow.

"Oh god oh god oh god oh god.." Eren breathed, closing his eyes, feeling the panic attack starting. He felt so ill and terrified.. his body began trembling and he couldn't breathe. He was dying.. he was having a heart attack. His dizziness increased more and made him more panicked.. Eren was going to fucking _die..!_

He whimpered at the terror coursing through his body, feeling like someone was choking him to death. He tried to remember what Levi said to stop his panic attacks, but Eren's memory was failing and he was too panicked to think too hard about it. He started clawing at his arms, digging his nails in, trying to ground himself. He was losing feeling in his body and it felt like he wasn't really there. He scratched violently at his arms until he felt the pain, hyperventilating, his chest aching.

Eren was going to die. He was going to get stolen away by a stranger and raped and murdered. Panicked thoughts rushed through his brain and he was extremely overwhelmed by all that was happening to him. He really wished he could remember what Levi told him to do during his panic attacks...

Wait.. _Levi_.

Eren struggled to pull his phone out of his pocket with shaking, slow hands. It took several tries for him to unlock it, and a few minutes for him to manage to find Levi's number in his contacts. Eren finally managed to press call, and he held the phone up to his ear, his eyes unfocused on the stall, the world spinning and coming unhinged in front of his watering eyes.

After a few rings, Levi picked up.

"Hello?" He greeted, and his deep, calming voice made Eren shiver. God, he needed Levi's help.

"L-Levi." Eren choked, holding back a sob.

"Who is this?" Levi asked, unsure.

"I-it's... Eren... I-I-I know... it's late and... I'm s-sorry.. but I.. c-c-can't breathe and.. I c-can't-" Eren spoke in between his shallow breaths, his body shaking. He was cut off by a sob escaping him, and he covered his mouth with his free hand, squeezing his eyes shut, tears pouring out.

"Eren.. You need to breathe. You can do it, I promise you can. Deep breaths, Eren. You aren't dying. You're going to be okay. Just focus on your breaths.. Breathe with me, alright?" Levi spoke, his voice soft and soothing. "Inhale.."

Eren shakily breathed in.

"......And exhale." Levi told him, and Eren did.

Levi repeated this four times, and Eren followed along, focusing only on Levi's words.

Eren's breaths weren't as shallow once he stopped, but he was still trembling and terrified.

"Eren, can you tell me what's happening? Why are you having a panic attack?" Levi questioned.

"M-Mikasa and Armin b-brought me to a club w-with them and... I th-think someone... drugged my drink. I-I feel awful and... the world is upside down and... I'm so dizzy.." Eren said between his pants, covering his mouth and sobbing into it.

"Where are you? Are you in danger right now, Eren?" Levi asked him.

"I-I'm just in the b-bathroom.. I d-don't know if I'm i-in danger.. I'm s-scared to leave.." Eren stated, then sobbed again, not shielded by his hand this time. "I-I d-d-don't know i-if I can s-stand up."

"Deep breaths, Eren.. You're going to be okay. Where are your friends?"

Eren breathed shakily.

"Th-they're still d-dancing, they d-don't know... what h-h-happened. They p-probably won't answer.. if I c-call them." He answered, tears continuously streaming down his face. "I-I'm s-s-scared, I.. I don't know.. what t-to do.."

Eren felt the panic rising again.

"Where are you, Eren? What club is it?" Levi wondered.

"U-uh.. it's the.. T-Titan Club?" Eren said, unsure why he was asking.

"That's about ten minutes from my house... Would you be okay with me coming to see you? I'm technically not supposed to meet my patients outside of my office, but this seems like an emergency." Levi asked, shocking Eren into forgetting his fears for a moment. Levi would help him in person..? Eren would feel so much better if someone was with him..

"Y-yes, _please_ , yes." Eren replied, knowing he sounded needy, but unable to care at the moment.

"Let me get my keys. Don't hang up, okay, Eren? Just close your eyes and take deep breaths for a minute. Remember that this is just a panic attack. It'll pass. And the drug won't affect you after today. You're going to be alright." Levi told him, then disappeared to get ready to leave.

Eren closed his eyes and struggled to breathe, trying to push down the bile rising in his throat, still scratching at his arms to ground him. He thought about possibly being raped again and he shuddered, a sob escaping him.

A sudden vision came into Eren's mind... he saw a large hand, rubbing up and down his thigh, coming closer and closer to his crotch. The hand slipped into Eren's pants and Eren felt intense fear and disgust soar through him, as if that was really happening to him. The vision ended there, leaving Eren confused and even more scared. It was almost like a dream or a flashback. It felt so fucking real... what the hell was that about? Eren breathed shallowly again, his head starting to pound. God, he could just feel that violating hand on him.. that could've easily happened to Eren minutes earlier. He could've been raped so easily.. someone could've dragged him out of the club and fucked him in an alley, and he'd be too weak and terrified to fight back. There was still a chance someone could come into the bathroom and do that to him.

Sobs poured out of Eren, and he almost forgot about Levi until he spoke up.

"I'm back- oh, Eren, I'm so sorry.. You're going to be alright, I promise you." Levi told him.

Eren tried to silence his sobs, not wanting Levi to hear.

"You don't have to keep quiet, Eren. Let it all out if you need to, I don't mind." Levi said, unleashing his sobbing again.

Eren cried and cried for several minutes, his head hurting, his body quaking, his eyes squeezed shut.

Levi said soothing words while he cried and told Eren he was on his way.

After a few more minutes, Levi told Eren that he was at the club. He told Eren he'd be there in a moment, and hung up.

Eren let the phone clatter to the floor and buried his face in his knees, his arms crossed on his chest, his nails digging into his arms.

He was hyperventilating again, breathing rapidly while he wept, feeling like absolute shit. He was so nauseous.. A minute or two passed, and Eren heard the door open. Eren instinctively went silent, terrified that his to-be rapist was walking in.

"Eren?" Levi's gentle voice asked, and Eren sobbed in response.

"Oh, Eren.. Can you let me in?" Levi said, stepping closer to Eren's stall.

Eren slowly reached up to the door and unlocked it. Levi pulled it open to reveal Eren huddled in the corner, his body trembling badly, his skin pale and clammy with cold sweat, his breathing shallow, and his exhausted eyes red, swollen, and watering.

"Eren.." Levi said softly, walking over and sitting down next to him, locking the stall door.

Eren hid his face in his knees, ashamed of his weakness.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry." Eren whimpered.

"It's okay, Eren. You have nothing to apologize for.. you're allowed to be scared. You're allowed to cry. You have plenty of reasons to be upset.. and you don't need to be embarrassed in front of me." Levi told him.

Eren took a shuddering breath.

"I-I'm glad y-you're here. I.. I was s-scared whoever drugged me would.. t-try to come in and.. and.. y-you know. I feel.. s-safer." Eren told him, pulling his face out of his knees and wiping off his tears. He was still sniffling and breathing raggedly, but his sobs stopped now that Levi was there with him, lessening his fear.

"Eren, what happened to your arms?" Levi asked, sounding alarmed.

Eren glanced down and noticed that he had scratched himself pretty badly with his nails.. blood was all over his arms.

"O-oh, I, uh... I s-scratch my arms d-during really b-bad panic attacks. It... g-grounds me." Eren explained, then winced at his throbbing head. "M-my head hurts.. I'm r-really nauseous and s-sluggish.. I j-just want to g-go to sleep."  
  
"Where are your friends, Eren?" Levi asked.

"I.. d-don't know." Eren said, sounding as afraid as he felt.

"Could I drive you home, Eren? You could text your friends and let them know what happened on the way." Levi suggested.

"N-no, I... d-don't have keys." Eren mumbled. A sudden intense wave of nausea rolled through Eren and he groaned. His mouth was full of saliva and he was losing feeling in his body.. Eren leaned over the toilet and vomited after a few moments. He hadn't thrown up since he was little.. he felt disgusted while he was doing it. He wretched weakly for a few moments afterwards and began sobbing again once he pulled back, the taste of the vomit still in his mouth. Fucking gross.. God, Eren wished he never left the house.

"It's okay, Eren, it's okay.." Levi reassured him while he cried. Levi leaned over and flushed the toilet to get rid of the vomit, then soothed Eren with kind words, making him cry harder. Eren couldn't help himself from clutching onto Levi's jacket, pressing his face against his shoulder, and sobbing against him. He was overwhelmed and panicked and desperate for comfort. Eren was gripping Levi's jacket like a lifeline, his hands shaking violently, his sobs muffled by Levi's jacket. Levi rubbed his back while he cried, murmuring reassurances to him.

Eren cried like this for about twenty minutes. His sobs eventually quieted down and his breathing slowed. He relaxed his tight grip on Levi and breathed deeply for a few minutes before pulling back. His vision was extremely fuzzy once he opened his eyes.. everything looked like vague blobs. But Eren could tell that the shoulder of Levi's jacket had darkened, wet with his tears.

"I-I'm s-sorry." He croaked, his voice hoarse, his throat dry. His headache had grown very severe and he felt drained of all his energy. He felt so weak and awful... Eren had never experienced such a bad breakdown.

"It's okay, Eren." Levi said for the thousandth time. Levi grabbed toilet paper and handed it to Eren to blow his nose and wipe off his tears.. Eren did so, then let out a trembling breath, laying his head back against the stall. He was beyond worn out.

"N-now what..?" Eren mumbled.

Levi was silent for a moment.

"How about this... What if I drive you to my house to bandage up your arms and get you some food and water, then you can call your friends, and tell them what happened and where you are. They could either come pick you up from my house or I could drive you home."

Eren thought it over for just a moment before nodding. His mind was very foggy so he didn't really understand, but he decided to trust Levi.

Eren blinked rapidly, hoping his vision would clear up, but everything still looked like fuzzy blobs to him.

"Okay.. I'm going to help you stand, alright?" Levi told him, and Eren nodded.

Levi stood up and held out his hands for Eren to take. Eren hesitantly reached forward and grabbed his hands, then attempted to stand. His legs were wobbly and he almost fell, but Levi caught him. Just standing took so much effort.. Eren's legs felt too weak to support him.

Levi pulled Eren's arm over his shoulder so he could help him, and put his hand on Eren's waist to steady him. Eren usually hated being touched, but he was too exhausted and drugged to care at that point.

"You okay to walk?" Levi asked.

"Mm." Eren hummed, his throat hurting so badly that he didn't want to speak. Levi unlocked the stall and they started walking.. Eren kept stumbling, and he had to walk very slow. His muscles didn't obey him very well, and he moved much slower than he wanted to.

They left the bathroom and managed to make it to the door.. Eren didn't see any of his friends on the way out. They went outside and Levi brought him to his car. He helped Eren get in and closed his door before getting in the driver's seat. Eren buckled his seatbelt and rested his head against the seat, breathing and wincing from the awful pain in his head.

Levi started driving. After a minute or two, he drove over a bump, making a sharp stab of pain pierce his head. Eren couldn't help but let out an audible hiss of agony.

"You okay, Eren?" Levi asked, concerned.

"M-my head.." He gasped, pain overwhelming him.

"Just breathe, Eren.. I'll get you some painkillers when we get to my house, okay? Just close your eyes and breathe." Levi said, his voice soft and calming.

Eren did as he said for the next ten minutes, struggling through his pain and nausea, trying not to fall asleep. He felt like he was underwater in slow motion, suffocating more each second, growing closer and closer to drowning. The car eventually came to a stop, and Levi helped Eren get out of the car and into his house. Eren's vision was still distorted and fuzzy, so he couldn't see much of Levi's house, but it looked nice. A lot of it was black and white.

Levi set Eren down on the couch in his living room.

"I'll be right back, okay, Eren?" Levi said, and Eren nodded slightly.

Eren sat there for several minutes with his eyes closed before Levi returned. He had a plate with a sandwich and chips on it, a bottle of water, a bottle of pills, a first aid kit, and a wet washcloth.

"Here, take two of these pills before you eat.. they're for your headache." Levi stated, pouring two pills into Eren's hand. Eren swallowed them with a large gulp of water, and continued to down the entire bottle, dehydrated from crying so much.

Levi smiled a little.

"Hold on, I'll get you more water." Levi said, getting him a bottle before returning.

Eren ate about half of the food Levi set out for him before he felt too nauseous to continue. Eren drank most of the second water bottle, and finally let Levi take care of his nail marks.

Levi gently wiped away the dried blood with the wet washcloth, sitting close to Eren.

"I can do that m'self, y'know..." Eren slurred.

"Just let me help you, Eren. You must be exhausted." Levi replied, and Eren didn't protest. He really was exhausted.

Levi then poured alcohol on cotton balls and began cleaning the wounds, and Eren winced at the stinging. Levi put bandages on them after, and packed up his little first aid kit.

"I'll be right back." Levi said, and left to put the first aid kit and the empty plate away.

Eren laid down on the couch and exhaled heavily, letting his heavy eyelids droop closed. Before he knew it, he was asleep.

\---

Levi walked back into the living room after he put everything away.

"Hey, Eren, why don't you try calling your friends now that you--" Levi began, but didn't finish his sentence once he noticed that Eren was asleep. The kid was laying across Levi's couch with his arms by his sides, a peaceful expression on his youthful face. Eren looked so young and vulnerable laying there like that.. Levi should've probably woken him up, but he really didn't want to disturb the kid. He had been through a lot that night, and he really needed to sleep the drug off.

After several moments of Levi just standing there, Eren's phone began vibrating. It was laying on the coffee table.. Levi hesitated before picking it up, but he realized that Eren's friends were probably calling him out of worry. He held the phone up to his ear.

"EREN? Eren, where the hell are you? We couldn't find you anywhere.." A girl's voice asked, sounding panicked and a bit mad.

"Hello, I'm assuming you're one of Eren's friends? My name is Levi-" Levi began explaining, but the girl cut him off abruptly.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH EREN?!" She practically screamed into the phone, and Levi held it away from his ear for a moment, cringing.

"Please calm down, miss, I promise you I'm not doing anything to Eren, I'm his-" Levi continued, but was interrupted again.

"I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL IF YOU DON'T-" She began yelling, and Levi sighed, deciding to cut her off.

"PLEASE, miss, can you just listen to me for one goddamn second? I'm trying to tell you what happened. Eren is safe and sound right now, I swear to you." Levi stated, sitting down on a chair, rubbing his temples.

"Then WHY ISN'T HE TALKING?" The girl demanded.

"He's asleep. He's been through a hell of a lot tonight, so I didn't want to disturb him." Levi told her.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HI-" The girl yelled, but then was interrupted by shuffling noises. Suddenly, the voice changed.

"Hey, um, can you explain what happened to me instead? Mikasa's a little heated right now, she's just worried about Eren.. so, what happened to him? And who are you?" A guy questioned, his voice much softer, but still tense.

"Yeah, of course. My name is Levi, I'm Eren's current therapist. I gave Eren my phone number for emergencies, and he called me earlier tonight, at around eleven or twelve. He was having a panic attack in the bathroom of the club he was at, and I think you were there too? Armin, I'm assuming?" Levi said.

"Yes, that's me." The guy confirmed.

"I thought so. Eren told me he was at a club with his friends and someone drugged his drink. He was having trouble breathing and he couldn't get up, so he called me for help. I drove down to the club, calmed him down, and took him to my house to give him painkillers for his headache and to give him some food and water. He was very overwhelmed and scared because of someone drugging his drink.. he was in an extremely vulnerable state. I couldn't leave him there like that, and he didn't know where any of you were. He fell asleep on my couch a few minutes ago. I was just about to ask him to call you to pick him up, but now he's dead asleep. I think he needs to sleep off the drug.. I don't think it would be good to wake him up or move him right now. Do you think it would be okay if he stayed at my place for the night?" Levi described. "It is inappropriate for me to see Eren out of my office, but this is definitely an emergency. I can promise you that I would never do anything to Eren to violate our therapist-patient relationship, and he would be completely safe here. I'd make sure he'd call you right when he wakes up. I'm just trying to do what's best for him and his health, Armin, please understand this."

Armin was quiet for a few moments.

"Let me explain this to Mikasa. Hold on." He stated, and he was silent for several long minutes, probably retelling the story.

Eventually, he returned.

"Hey, Levi, I'm back. I had to convince Mikasa, but we finally agreed that we trust you and we'll leave him with you for the night. But Eren's phone has a tracking app and if anything happens- if he moves at all- we will know. Please keep him safe. Mikasa told me to tell you that she'll tear you apart if you hurt him at all. Good night, Levi.. we'll see you in the morning." Armin said.

"Okay, thank you. I'll watch over him and make sure nothing happens. See you tomorrow, Armin." Levi said, relieved.

"See you." Armin replied, and hung up.

Levi put Eren's phone back on the coffee table and sighed, watching the kid for a few moments. Should he leave Eren there, or put him in Levi's bed..? The couch wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, and he'd probably wake up with pain in his neck, due to the way he was laying.. Levi decided that he should move him. He stood up and picked Eren up like he was a baby, doing his best to be gentle and avoid waking him up. Eren's head rested against his chest, and Levi could feel him breathing. Levi laid Eren down on his bed and pulled the covers over him, then left him alone. He wished Eren was wearing something softer than the clothes he had on.. but there was no way in hell Levi would change his clothes while he was asleep. Levi changed and laid down on the couch with a blanket, then fell asleep shortly after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading!! I'd love to hear any thoughts you have about this!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another chapter to thisssss, I hope you enjoy!

Eren felt someone lightly shaking his shoulders. He opened his groggy eyes ever so slowly, feeling like he was waking up from a coma. He blinked until his vision cleared, and instinctively flinched at the sight of a figure in front of him. The figure reached next to him and Eren scrambled away, his heart pounding in fear. The figure turned on a lamp next to Eren.. and he saw that it was Levi.

"It's just me, Eren. Good morning.. are you feeling okay?" Levi greeted.

Eren blinked at him stupidly, confusion taking over him. He was in... he was in Levi's house, wasn't he? He was in his therapist's bed. He was _in his bed._

"W-what the fuck am I doing here? What.. what happened- did- did we..?" Eren blubbered, panic taking over him. He really couldn't remember much of last night.. he remembered... he remembered his drink being drugged. He remembered Levi coming to help him.. and that was it. Did Levi bring him home and take advantage of him? No... no, Levi wouldn't do something like that. _But what if he did?_

"Do you remember what happened last night, Eren?" Levi asked, puzzled.

"I... no, not really. Did y-you.. you didn't t-take advantage of me, did you?" Eren asked, unable to help his suspicion. His breathing and his heartbeat grew rapid at the thought.

"What? Oh, god, _no_ , Eren. I just brought you here to make sure you were safe for the night. I swear, I didn't do anything to you." Levi answered, his voice so sincere and horrified that Eren had to believe him.

Eren relaxed against the headboard of Levi's bed, sighing heavily.

"Do you want me to explain what happened last night?" Levi asked, and Eren nodded.

Levi described the whole night to Eren in detail. His memories came back in bits and pieces as the man talked. Levi told him about his call with Armin and Mikasa, making Eren roll his eyes.

"Yeah, Mikasa goes a little overboard. Hey, should I call them now that I'm awake?" He said.

"Yeah, go for it. Your phone's in the living room, and I made us some breakfast, by the way." Levi replied.

Eren grabbed his phone and sat down at the dining table with Levi. He called Mikasa, and she picked up almost immediately.

"Eren?" She asked uncertainly.

"Hey, 'Kasa. I'm sorry I scared you so much last night.. Levi said he explained what happened." Eren responded.

"Yes, yes, he did... is that really what happened, Eren? If he hurt you at all I'll rip him to pieces I swear to-"

"Chill, Mikasa. Yes, that's what really happened. Levi's been helping me out a lot." Eren said, exasperated at how skeptical she sounded.

"Can we come pick you up, Eren?" Mikasa asked.

"Yeah, of course." Eren said, then pulled the phone away from him for a moment. "What's your address?" He asked Levi.

Levi told him, and he repeated it to Mikasa.

"See you soon, Eren." She said.

"Yep." He replied, then hung up. He put the phone down and started eating with Levi. The man had made waffles, bacon, and eggs. He set out orange juice and coffee for both of them.. it was nice and peaceful. Eren glanced around Levi's house. It was big and extremely clean, and every inch of the house seemed to shine. Levi must've been some kind of neat freak.. it was much cleaner than Eren's room, and he loved it.

"How are you feeling, Eren?" Levi questioned as they ate.

"Oh, I'm fine now. I guess I'm still a little shaken up, but I'm good." Eren answered honestly. The drug's effects had all worn off while he slept, thankfully.

"I'm glad. It might take a little while before you feel completely better. You definitely went through a traumatic experience last night.. you need to give yourself time to heal from that." Levi told him, and Eren felt like he was in the man's office again.

"Yeah." Eren mumbled in response. "Speaking of 'giving myself time to heal' and all that- I have therapy with you today, don't I?"

"Yes, you do. I don't recommend coming.. you've already spent enough time with me, and I know what happened to you. The best thing for you to do now is just get some rest." Levi said.

Eren nodded, grateful for the day off. He really didn't want Levi to analyze his feelings about last night.. he just wanted to move on. Again, the thought of being raped appeared in Eren's head, and he shuddered. God, that was so scary... Eren hadn't ever thought about it before that night, but being raped was probably his worst fear. He hated thinking about it. Eren stared down at his food and shoved the thought out of his mind.

"What are you thinking about, Eren? You okay?" Levi asked, sounding concerned.

Eren exhaled.

"Just thinking about last night." Eren mumbled, shoving another piece of bacon in his mouth, trying to push back his queasiness at the thought of what almost happened to him.

Levi didn't comment, thankfully. He let Eren eat in peace.

After they finished eating and putting away the dishes, the doorbell rang.

"That's probably Mikasa and Armin.. I'll get it." Eren told Levi, and reluctantly turned to the hallway. He loved his friends, but he wasn't ready for the interrogation about last night. He really didn't want to talk about it with anyone, especially not them.

Eren went to the front door and opened it to see both Mikasa and Armin standing there.

"Oh, Eren..!" Mikasa gasped, running forward and pulling Eren into a tight hug.

"'Kasa, you're acting like you haven't seen me all year." Eren laughed slightly, uncomfortable at the sudden hug.

"Oh, Eren, are you okay?" Mikasa asked, leaning back and cupping his face with her hands.

Eren glanced away, embarrassed, knowing Levi could probably hear her.

"I'm fine, Mikasa. Last night sucked ass, but I'm good now. There's no need to worry." Eren reassured her.

"I'm glad you're okay, Eren." Armin stated, smiling pityingly at him, making Eren's face redden in shame. He hated that pity in Armin's eyes.. Armin had pure intentions and Eren loved him dearly, but his pity always burned a deep hole in Eren's pride whenever he saw it. He wished he didn't have to be treated like a victim all the time.. he wished his friends could just see him as a normal person, instead of someone they constantly needed to protect and feel bad for.

"Let's just go." Eren mumbled, wanting to get out before his friends made him feel any worse. He was hoping to get out of there as fast as possible, but then he heard Levi's voice as he walked towards them.

"Hello, I'm Levi... you're Armin and Mikasa, I assume?" Levi greeted, and Eren groaned in irritation. He didn't want to deal with this.. he just wanted to get back home and forget about the whole situation.

"Yeah, that's us. Thank you so much for helping Eren out.. I don't know what would've happened if you didn't." Armin stated, and Eren's face burned. He was talking about Eren like he was useless, like he couldn't do anything on his own.

_Well, that isn't completely wrong.._

"It's no problem." Levi said, then locked eyes with Eren.

"I'm here to help whenever you need, Eren.. please take care of yourself these next few days." Levi's voice was soft and sincere. Eren nodded a little, his embarrassment growing.

"Yeah." He murmured. "I'll see you Tuesday, doc."

"See you then." Levi responded, looking at Eren with care in his silver eyes.

Armin and Mikasa said their goodbyes and their thanks to Levi, and Eren left with them, wanting nothing more than to sleep and escape their inevitable interrogation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading!! <3 I'd love to hear your thoughts!


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